October is "Breast Cancer Awareness" month. That never meant anything to me before. Before I had breast cancer. NOW it means everything! It belongs to me. That was my fight not long ago.
I see pink ribbons, and I think...I can relate. I see testimonies of people that are fighting cancer, or ones from those who have been through the fight and I think, "That was me. That IS me."
I think back on my journey with breast cancer and have to admit, that today it is more real to me than it was back then. I think it was God's way of protecting me....keeping me focused on fighting my disease rather than thinking about what it was doing to my body, and what I was going through. People I hadn't heard from in years contacted me...and would encourage me with their well wishes. People I didn't know made it a point to speak to me....to tell me they were praying for me. I was touched by their kindness...but inwardly I could never connect the dots. I wouldn't let myself think that "I had cancer." I KNEW God was going to bring me out on the other side healed. So I choose to live one day at a time... One foot in front of the other. Some days were harder than others. But I choose to fight. Feeling sorry for myself was never an option.
Enduring Chemo was a big blur for me. The day of my 11 hour surgery is a bigger blur to me. The following 5 days in the hospital were a blur. I didn't I let myself think about what I was going through. I just knew I had to endure to live.
And live I did!!!
I am past my one year mark, and am completely cancer free. I had a bit of a scare at my one year check up in August though. They found another lump, and insisted on doing a biopsy.....and oh....how hard it was to hold it together!! I thought, "Oh no...Lord...not again. I can't do this again!" I didn't tell anyone, except one confidant. She is my sister prayer warrior. I didn't even tell my children or husband. I knew that I had put them all through a hellish year prior to this one and I was determined to know what I was dealing with before I involved them. You see, when you are given the diagnosis of CANCER, it isn't just YOU that has to go through that journey. You take your whole family with you, whether they like it or not. Some of them go along side you and hold on...others choose to run in the opposite direction, not able to deal with the process.
To God be the glory
though!!...the biopsy came back negative! Just scar tissue, they said. That phone call was one I will forever be thankful for!! Knowing the decisions that I would have been faced with
again after having walked that path, was almost more than I knew I could endure!
Today I look back on pictures and I have a hard time seeing myself there. Was
that really me? Did I really have breast cancer? Did I really look that bad at times? Life was hard, that is a fact.
Living it out each day and fighting to stay positive. Remembering to
keeping my eyes upward, on the One who was walking that journey with me.
I am glad that I have those pictures. I also have the scars that will never go away. They will always be there...a reminder that, Yes.... I had breast cancer. They will always serve to help me remember. To not forget. Because people forget. Friends forget. But those of us who have been through the "fight" will never forget.
I know that God has a plan and a purpose for all of us. I also believe that He allows us to go through things in life so that we have the "experience" to help others that find themselves in the same situations. I want to be that person who takes the things I dealt with and help those who have no hope. Like those who were there for me in my time of need, I want to give back. I pray God gives me those opportunities.
Life has gone back to some sort of normal. What ever that is...LOL. My days are filled with spending tons of time with my grandchildren. Watching them grow and learn is the joy of my life. I can never get enough time with them or my children and husband....to share in their every day lives. That to me is a gift. And I want to grab a hold of every moment that I can get. I will never take life for granted. We aren't promised tomorrow.
Life only happens once. I want to live it to the fullest. He promised me that I could the day He healed me of Cancer.
He told me to go, and live!! I won't disappoint Him. ;)
I see pink ribbons, and I think...I can relate. I see testimonies of people that are fighting cancer, or ones from those who have been through the fight and I think, "That was me. That IS me."
I think back on my journey with breast cancer and have to admit, that today it is more real to me than it was back then. I think it was God's way of protecting me....keeping me focused on fighting my disease rather than thinking about what it was doing to my body, and what I was going through. People I hadn't heard from in years contacted me...and would encourage me with their well wishes. People I didn't know made it a point to speak to me....to tell me they were praying for me. I was touched by their kindness...but inwardly I could never connect the dots. I wouldn't let myself think that "I had cancer." I KNEW God was going to bring me out on the other side healed. So I choose to live one day at a time... One foot in front of the other. Some days were harder than others. But I choose to fight. Feeling sorry for myself was never an option.
Enduring Chemo was a big blur for me. The day of my 11 hour surgery is a bigger blur to me. The following 5 days in the hospital were a blur. I didn't I let myself think about what I was going through. I just knew I had to endure to live.
I am past my one year mark, and am completely cancer free. I had a bit of a scare at my one year check up in August though. They found another lump, and insisted on doing a biopsy.....and oh....how hard it was to hold it together!! I thought, "Oh no...Lord...not again. I can't do this again!" I didn't tell anyone, except one confidant. She is my sister prayer warrior. I didn't even tell my children or husband. I knew that I had put them all through a hellish year prior to this one and I was determined to know what I was dealing with before I involved them. You see, when you are given the diagnosis of CANCER, it isn't just YOU that has to go through that journey. You take your whole family with you, whether they like it or not. Some of them go along side you and hold on...others choose to run in the opposite direction, not able to deal with the process.
I am glad that I have those pictures. I also have the scars that will never go away. They will always be there...a reminder that, Yes.... I had breast cancer. They will always serve to help me remember. To not forget. Because people forget. Friends forget. But those of us who have been through the "fight" will never forget.
I know that God has a plan and a purpose for all of us. I also believe that He allows us to go through things in life so that we have the "experience" to help others that find themselves in the same situations. I want to be that person who takes the things I dealt with and help those who have no hope. Like those who were there for me in my time of need, I want to give back. I pray God gives me those opportunities.
Life has gone back to some sort of normal. What ever that is...LOL. My days are filled with spending tons of time with my grandchildren. Watching them grow and learn is the joy of my life. I can never get enough time with them or my children and husband....to share in their every day lives. That to me is a gift. And I want to grab a hold of every moment that I can get. I will never take life for granted. We aren't promised tomorrow.
Life only happens once. I want to live it to the fullest. He promised me that I could the day He healed me of Cancer.
He told me to go, and live!! I won't disappoint Him. ;)
Lamentations 3:22-23
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to
an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
