This Journey

                                                This Journey.

I am ready. 

 I started this journey 4 months ago.  No fear.  No thoughts of the "what if."  Just blind trust.  Trust.  That is the way my faith works.  I didn't ask why.  I didn't need to.  

I learned of my prognosis from a doctor who does her job everyday...without the feelings of the person who has to walk out that prognosis.  She was matter of fact.  Just fact.   I listened.  

I had no thoughts.....other than....ok God.  What now?   He led me to a team of wonderful, caring doctors.....who do this everyday for a living....yet they know how to convey hope.  He led me.  That was all I needed to know.

I have learned much over the past 4 months.  Much about trusting more......but also about faith.  I know that I am not alone.  He has given me hope.  More that I already had.   He has assured my heart on more than one occasion that "He's got this!"  And that is all I need to know.  I don't understand all that I have to go through.  How can you till you actually "go through it?"   Living is finding out in the experience.   And trusting..... trusting Him to get you through it.  And I do.  Often times I have been alone....but I am not alone.  He walks it with me everyday.  Being alone at times has been good.....it is in those quiet times that He comes and fills me with a renewed hope... and a knowing that everything will work together for my good.  He has a  plan and a purpose for my life.  And I rest in that promise.

I want my life to make a difference.  Not just for today...but for always.  I want Him to be the light that is seen.  Not me.  I want His love to make the difference.... and it does.

I spent a week at the beach with my family.  As I watched my 3 grandchildren play in the sand and the ocean, my heart soared!  I cried out to Him....and asked to have the blind faith that they showed to me. 

 I watched my 4 year old Grandson experience the majesty of the ocean for the very first time in his life.  At first the sound of the crashing waves frightened him. He didn't trust that he would be safe when that powerful wave connected with his feet.  But with every wave and every assurance that he was safe in our arms.....he began to trust....and know that with our presence he was safe.  He began to trust...and he began to enjoy the majesty and splendor of the ocean.  He taught me another lesson.  As life becomes a bit uncertain and our journey takes us on a  path that requires all of our faith.....trusting the Father to carry us....to hold us steady is the key to being ok.   And I am.   My Grandson was drawn to the ocean.....couldn't get enough of the sand and the salt water.  It covered him...and he didn't care.   As long as we were there where he could see us.....the sound of the ocean no longer scared him....because he knew he was safe.  

I watched my Granddaughter as she raced into the ocean waves.  She loves the ocean.....and cannot wait to head straight into that majestic water, with the waves that crash over her.  She is covered in salt water......and she smiles......comes out of the water...and races back again!  Blind trust. I see the sun shine on her face.....and watch her face as she runs straight for another crashing wave, and  she knows that she is safe.  She has been there before!  I love to watch her as she enjoys the ocean.  She teaches me that blind trust is all I need.

I also watched my 15 month old Grandson as he became more comfortable with the ocean and it's majesty.  He loves the sand....in his hair..in his face......covering his body!  I watched as he sat and  played in the sand.....and I marveled at his being comfortable in that place....covered.  I want to be covered too..... with God's love....like sand.

And so... I will continue on this journey.  One foot in front of the other.  One day at a time.  And I will trust.  Him.   He has my back...and my future in His hands.  Knowing that is all I need to know.   He has given me the grace to hope.  To know.  He has carried me this far.  He will carry me still.