It is one of those nights when I cannot sleep. I try.....only to toss and turn. So I turn on the light and rise, grab my computer and open up ITunes. I have a favorite song right now. One that was sang at my church 2 weeks ago when I was there. It is
It was time. I was covered in hair each time I showered. The brush was filled with each stroke. I sat in a chair in my living room and cried. For the first time since getting my diagnosis, I sobbed. I cried until I had no tears left. I accepted what I could not control. I was going to be bald.....all of my hair gone. I called my friend. I asked her to come by my home the next day....and told her it was time. She was very compassionate....asking me if I was sure? I told her yes. But the next day, I chickened out. I told her I needed another day. She said, "Ok, friend. Let me know when." The next day I called her again....this time I was at peace with the process. I was ready. God had prepared my heart for my loss. And once it was gone... I was actually OK. I didn't cry anymore. I didn't look back. I decided that if this was part of the journey... I would walk it with dignity. My wig and turbines have became my friends. My oldest daughter has even sported some turbines right along with me. :)
Loss. It can debilitate us, or we can let it teach us how to find hope. It will throw us curves and bumps in the road. It is what we do with those bumps that matters. God's word speaks to us of hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my favorite verses. It says: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
And I cling to that promise. I have a future!! He will not leave me nor forsake me. No matter how big the bumps are.... He will be there. He will sustain me. My life has been forever changed. But the gains have outweighed the loss. I don't take my days for granted any more. I don't muttle through my days without a purpose. God has shown me that each day matters. And my hair?......well...now that I have made it through all of my Chemo treatments..... my hair will begin to grow back. It will take a few months. But that is OK.... I have time. :) Time to reflect back on what God has brought me through. The lessons He has taught me. And as my hair grows.....so will my faith.
2 Timothy 1:12 states:
For which cause I suffer also these things: yet I am not ashamed; for I know him whom I have believed, and I am persuaded that he is able to guard that which I have committed unto him against that day.
And He will.
Loss. It can debilitate us, or we can let it teach us how to find hope. It will throw us curves and bumps in the road. It is what we do with those bumps that matters. God's word speaks to us of hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my favorite verses. It says: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
2 Timothy 1:12 states:
For which cause I suffer also these things: yet I am not ashamed; for I know him whom I have believed, and I am persuaded that he is able to guard that which I have committed unto him against that day.
And He will.
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